I have been thinking about this blog post a long time now.
I have been away, lost in my thoughts for what it seems like forever. I have been writing this ‘chapter’ again and again in my notes. Always writing something new, then erasing it. As a matter of fact, I have been away from my social channels and my photography for a long time now. And to be honest this is what I tend to talk about lately – meaning the past few months. The reason why? Wish I knew. When I think about my photography I get nostalgic and sad. I remember the person I used to be, the opportunities London has given me and what I accomplished in such a little time back there. Since coming back home, I find it hard to just pick up my camera and shoot. My inspiration and motivation are gone. What seemed so easy to do back then, seems so hard to do right now. I am never satisfied with the outcome and I forget to tell myself ‘it’s okay just keep on practising’. And just like that my friends, I let it go and I feel like a part of me, a part of my identity has been lost.
This blog post was supposed to be about a comeback. My comeback as a photographer. A big shout out to brands and influencers or creators to get in touch with me and work. It still is – just a bit altered.
The latest virus that has become the invisible enemy for the whole planet is no longer news. I remember hearing about it back in December of 2019 when it was first happening in China and I literally felt sick. Sick about the thought of vulnerable people dying because of it. Many did. Many overcame it. It travelled fast and it is still among us. In Cyprus though, things were serious. We are a small island of a population of 1.17 million and if this virus was to get out to us, it would get us bad – big time. Once it arrived, a week later everyone went on lockdown. Businesses shut down and we had (still we do) to live with a curfew and the allowance to live our house only once per day. A month passed living like this and we managed to fight this as much as we could. Unfortunately, we lost along the way but the bravery of our doctors and nurses fought it. Right now, things started to getting just a bit better and businesses are opening up. Cyprus became the 5th safest country to have fought and tamed down the virus. My office called me to go back on Monday and it feels unreal. Deep down I feel numb but so happy. I really like my position and responsibilities where I work at. I can’t believe that I was at home for 2 whole months and now I’m called to return to my routine. And this is where I feel a bit guilty.
You see, during this difficult time, everyone was so confused. Lockdown. Stay at home. Stay safe. We started panicking on what to do at home. Let’s not forget that there are families and people for whom staying at home is not easy and often consists of cases of violence. Throughout the social media and articles, I was going through, everyone was like: be creative! be active! eat healthy! workout! eat less! now it’s the time to get into your diet! be creative. While I was seeing messages like these I felt so useless. I could not be creative while I could not see my family because that was the way to keep them safe. I could not eat healthy because my mental health was not at its best so I was craving comfort food. I could not work out because I simply didn’t feel like it. My mental health was above the roof. I had no clue what I was meant to do. It took me a few days to digest what was happening to us – to the world. And so, I started simply by taking it in, day-by-day.
Seeing how fortunate I was to have a beautiful environment to live in and a roof above my head made me feel better. Being not affected by the virus either me or my loved ones made me more grateful. These didn’t mean that it made it okay for me to hustle every day. No. I took the days one by one and I felt everything. Confusion and sadness. Gratefulness and happiness at some points.
My point from all of the above is that living throughout this period helped me recognise a lot of stuff I didn’t realise before but one of them is the most important: Life is too damn short so we shall live it now.
I will never take for granted anyone in my life again – I will cherish them every day like it’s the last one.
I might have had the world’s best opportunities in London but now I shall embrace Cyprus even more and explore it and finally stop wishing and start making. I will take more walks and listen to my favourite music even more. I will watch the sunset if I can, every day. My photography will no longer stay on the side of me. It will be a lost identity no more. I’m coming back. And if that means creating content for myself before I get to work with brands and actual clients, so let it be. I am no failure and I need to keep reminding myself of this. No more shitty talks to myself. And you, my friends, my dearest readers, remember to take care of yourselves and your mental health. There is nothing more important we can do for us. Being in the right mindset can lead us to great things. Things we didn’t know we can achieve.
I really wish you’re safe and well whenever you are in the world. I believe that the latest facts changed us all – hopefully for the best. Welcome to the new version of me and my website 🙂
Until the next time,